Papa at Home

Its been an interesting day today. I started off by getting on the phone and dialing local area churches, looking to help any that are struggling with large commercial loan payments. Its a bitter sweet exercise for me, as I definitely didn't like cold calling when I was in recruiting.

Before I started I had to ask myself what I was feeling, and it was anxiety mixed with fear. Then I had to think on that a minute. Anxiety about what? I don't have a problem talking with people. I actually like when someone gets rude with me as I find it amusing, sometimes even a challenge to make them turn their attitude around. Then I asked what I was afraid of, and it slowly dawned on me...

If my plans and activity starts to work, it will forever change a major aspect of my life. Throughout my marriage I have been the entrepreneur, going out and taking my lumps in business, having limited success, but nothing major. Now I feel confident in what I'm doing, I'm committed to following a set regimen of activity, and I can see success forming on the road ahead of me. What happens when I bring in more money than my wife? What happens when my working and providing becomes a necessity and not just a pleasant after thought?

I decided that just like other distractions and obstacles that constantly try to move me in different directions I would put these feelings in a box and just keep it moving. I don't know how things will change, but I refuse to approach those changes in fear.

I want more out of my life and I want to contribute something big to the world around me.

My only real obstacle today has been Lena, home today from daycare. I set her up with her snacks, and games, watching cartoons while I got on the phone. Now in the latter part of the day she wants to come sit on my lap every five minutes. I guess there are challenges to every task, at least this one smiles at me and calls me papa.